Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons

April 5, 2008 · Filed Under Dungeons and Dragons, Pop Culture

Off topic, but who the hell cares… I’m not trying to make money at this anymore, right? Right. Good. Just so we’re clear. No money in D&D blogs, ‘cept for Dungeonmastering.com.

At any rate, I was thinking tonight about fantasy movies and how there have been great ones (LOTR, duh) and there have been duds (the Movie Which Must Not Be Named with That Wayans Brother). In between, there’s been all sorts of good and bad, mostly bad.

Here’s where I’m at, thought: Conan the Destroyer was, in my mind, a great D&D-type movie. You had a barbarian, a rogue, an acrobat and a wizard, all fighting against an evil cleric, her evil wizard friend, and a fighter. That’s fricking D&D, and it was damn cool. Oh, and there was hella cool monsters.

photo credit: heath_bar

Still, it did poorly enough at the box office that the third Conan movie was scrapped in favor of Red Sonja. Red Frickin Sonja?!? How much of a load of crap was that movie?!?

And was Barbarian really that much better than destroyer? Yeah, it had James Earl Jones, but come on… “He cannot cry, so I cry for him?!?”

Although, I will give Barbaian props in one area:

I dunno. Any rate, here’s what it all has to do with D&D:

What movie, in your mind, typifies D&D? If you can, forego LOTR. It’s too obvious. Is there a movie that does it for you the way that Conan the Destroyer does it for me?

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19 Responses to “Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons”

Yax on April 6th, 2008 1:15 am

Excalibur has knights and a wizard. I can’t say the movie is good, but it D&D-esque.

Yax’s last blog post..D&D Sunday morning quiz: Plot Hooks!
The Chatty DM on April 6th, 2008 3:36 am

I can’t remember the title of the movie but in the 80’s I saw one where the hero had a 3 bladed 2 handed sword. This was so cool that when I started playing A D&D (before I actually understood English) I automatically created a 3-handed sword… (because I thought 2-handed meant double-blade)

The Chatty DM’s last blog post..How’s my health? Much Better
g on April 6th, 2008 7:24 am

Chatty DM: That was The Sword and the Sorcerer -excellent *loved that 2 of the blades shot out from it!

Small list from me:

Krull
Jason and the Argonauts
Ladyhawke

Apis
The DM on April 6th, 2008 11:08 am

@ Yax - Good one. I’ve got that on VHS. I might have to bust out the VCR from storage and watch it tonite!

@ Chatty - 3 Handed! ROFLMAO! I love it.

@ Apis - Krull was Awesomo-9000. Beats the crap out of Kevin Sorbo’s Kull.

The DM’s last blog post..Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons
Harrison McLeod on April 6th, 2008 2:03 pm

Here’s a few from the vaults: Labyrinth, Legend, Willow, and Dark Crystal.

Harrison McLeod’s last blog post..Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: The Writing Journey
shekaka67 on April 6th, 2008 2:25 pm

Dude,
Original Conan was much better…bloody death rules!

Destroyer was way down at the bottom….maybe I will check it out again ,but
from my recollection it was not too far from ” The MOvie that Shall Not be Named…starring some Wayans brother”

Not to mention LOTR( for it is truly, ” One Movie to Rule Them All!”)…for my money the top DND-ish films are:
1.) Conan
2.) Willow
3.) Ladyhawke

Word..;)
The DM on April 6th, 2008 4:09 pm

@ Harry - Welcome back. Where’s my guest post, boss? Dark Crystal was good… a little Muppet-ty for my taste these days…

@ Randall Wayne - careful now. You just trying to be difficult? Oh, and where’s my next guest post?

C’mon guys. I’m busy plugging away at Writing Journey. Someone’s gotta carry D&D reviews for me for a while. Leastwise until 4th is released and the market goes nuts
The DM’s last blog post..Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons
Harrison McLeod on April 6th, 2008 4:36 pm

Dude, I’m working on it! Got a lot going on these days, but don’t worry, it’ll be worth the wait.

Harrison McLeod’s last blog post..Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: The Writing Journey
The DM on April 6th, 2008 4:53 pm

@ Harry - Heh heh heh… I’m sure it will be, and I’m completely teasing you, obviously.

@ Randy, on the other hand, needs to get his butt in gear and write
The DM’s last blog post..Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons
Kameron on April 7th, 2008 1:29 pm

Krull had that D&D feel for me. And I’ll admit to enjoying the 2nd D&D movie (direct to DVD).

Kameron’s last blog post..Relvan reworked
tony on April 7th, 2008 2:32 pm

beastmaster? i remember he had d&d abilities…i don’t remember much from the combat though
The DM on April 7th, 2008 2:46 pm

@ Kam - oooh, that one was a stinker.

@ tony - welcome! The Beastmaster was cool, if only for the fact that it starred the guy from “V.”

The DM’s last blog post..Conan, the Destroyer of Dungeons and Dragons
snowfox on April 7th, 2008 3:51 pm

Definitely Clash of the Titans. Can’t beat those old Greek gods and their crazy plans…
cuba on April 10th, 2008 9:46 am

It is difficult to believe I saw this movie in the theater…
but after seeing Mortal Kombat I thought it captured the pacing of a dungeon crawl like no other movie - throw a party together and martial arts your way through various rooms/challenges until you get to the boss.
matt on April 23rd, 2008 11:13 am

–Fire & Ice, a movie collaboration of Ralph Bakshi and Frank Frazetta. Animated, but still cool.
–13th Warrior
Sue London on April 23rd, 2008 8:08 pm

Awesome question! The movies that came to mind for me (and I’m glad to see I’m not totally alone):

1) 13th Warrior
2) Ladyhawke
3) Beastmaster
4) Hawk the Slayer

We really love 13th Warrior and even have a dog named Herger the Joyous.

Also of note, LOTR wouldn’t have come to mind because you asked “What movie, in your mind, typifies D&D?” We have never been that organized and committed. LOTR is the game you WANT to have played or run, but it never quite comes together.

Sue Londons last blog post..Fun with Slogans
The DM on April 24th, 2008 8:36 am

@ snowfox - good point. Zeus was a bastard.

@ Cuba - I loved Mortal Kombat, but hadn’t thought of it in that context. Very cool.

@ Matt - I’ll agree with you on Fire & Ice. 13th Warrior just didnt’ do it for me.

@ Sue - See above about 13th. Haven’t seen Hawk the Slayer, will have to check into it! And you’re right about LOTR, to a degree. I’ve had LOTR sessions when the stars were aligned, but rarely a whole campaign that was as smooth.

The DMs last blog post..How To Kill Your D&D Game Without Really Trying
Sue London on April 28th, 2008 6:31 pm

Just a note: Hawk the Slayer is totally cheesy. I need you to know that before you, uh, pay to see it or something.

I guess our games are cheesy…
Sue Londons last blog post..Tweet, Tweet, Tweet
Runlikeh3ll on March 11th, 2009 12:58 pm

Conan The Destroyer… I could never get tired of that movie, haha.